i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize