How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
