We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
