Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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