i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
