I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
