Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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