im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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