I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize