They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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