I cannot find my penis.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
BRING THE BAGELS
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