I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
