yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
