This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
