Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dicks are not precious.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
