I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
