I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
