I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
