That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
