I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
