How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
