I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
