....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
