never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize