If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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