I cannot find my penis.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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