dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
