so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're like the curious george of whores
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
