I am puke
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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