my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
