He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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