put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
