Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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