why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
