I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
