Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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