Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
