Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
