I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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