Where is the hickey?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
