Whod you bang
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
