Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
