Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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