I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
