He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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