Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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