Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
