that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
