You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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