you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
