He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
