he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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