meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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