apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
