And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
