Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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