Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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