who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
