another moral hangover. fuck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
