You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
