At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
