Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
pop tarts are not kleenex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
