Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
