splinters make it hard to masturbate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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