I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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